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The Art of Self Worth
Did you know 85% of people have low self-esteem? Join Sarah Anne and Sarah Kelly for conversations about discovering our worth. Each of us has the potential to make a positive impact on the world. However, we often forget this and become disconnected from our true worth. Finding our worth is a lifelong journey that includes play, joy, pain, fear, healing, unlearning, re-learning, and more. In this podcast we share the good, bad and in-between around self-worth. You are worthy.
The Art of Self Worth
Redefining Rest: Empowerment, Boundaries, and Self-Worth with Dr. C
Are you ready to dive into a conversation that'll redefine your relationship with rest and revitalize your sense of self-worth? Join us for a conversation featuring the one and only Dr. Cathia Walters, aka Dr. C, as we unpack the transformative power of rest and its profound connection to empowerment, boundaries, and relationships.
Dr. C doesn't just challenge the misconception that rest equals laziness—she flips the script entirely, revealing how moments of rest are essential acts of self-care and assertion of our worthiness. Get ready to discover how embracing brief breaks in your day can lead to monumental shifts in your well-being and relationships, even amidst life's hustle and bustle.
Ever heard of the magic of two-minute naps? Dr. C spills the beans on this game-changing strategy that'll have you rethinking your approach to downtime. Plus, she shares invaluable insights on setting boundaries around sleep needs, fostering healthier relationships with family, roommates, and partners, and reclaiming your space for rest and rejuvenation.
But here's the kicker: it's not just about catching more Z's. Dr. C's wisdom extends far beyond bedtime, delving into the intricate dance of communication and self-care within shared spaces. And guess what? She'll be expanding on some of this Friday in her interactive workshop "Healing Your Relationships," where she'll guide you through the process of nurturing deeper connections by honoring your own needs first.
So, if you're tired of feeling burnt out and undervalued, and you're ready to step into your power and embrace a life filled with rest, respect, and revitalized relationships, then this episode is your roadmap to transformation. Tune in and join us on this empowering journey with Dr. C.
Want more time with Dr. C? Join us Friday March 29th at noon ET Dr. C leads a group coaching session on Healing Your Relationships as part of our Embodied Worth Speaker Series.
Dr. Cathia Walters (Dr. C) is the the founder of the Walters Wellness Group (be sure to check out her blog). Dr. C offers courses, retreats, and support groups that empower individuals and couples. She regularly provides training, webinars, and workshops on a variety of healing-related topics for leading companies including Google, Live Nation, Mercari, Quora, Salesforce, and Wikimedia.
✨ You are meant to shine. ✨
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Okay, Sarah, today's conversation, one of our favorite topics with one of our favorite people. Yes, do we say this about every topic and every person?
Sarah Anne:We do, but this time it's on rest and sleep. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me With Dr Katya Walters? Yes, dr C, it was such a rich conversation.
Sarah Kelly:We met Dr C in Costa Rica and instantly it was just a mutual love of one another love fest of Sarah's and Dr C. And Dr Kathia Walters is, or more commonly known as Dr C is the founder of the Walters Wellness Group. She offers courses and support groups that empower individuals and couples. She designs and facilitates retreats and events. She individually sees clients. She works for giant corporations like Google, live Nation, wikimedia. She's a force.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, she really has her hands in everything and that's one of the reasons why we love talking to her so much. She brings wisdom from different areas from science. She weaves science with embodiedness, with mindfulness, with coaching, with psychology, and the conversation just weaves in and out about why sleep is so important. Sleep and rest is one of our worthiness wheel spokes. Sleep and rest is one of our worthiness wheel spokes. I think it's one that surprises people and this episode really dives into that link between how sleep and rest really does impact how we feel about worth, how we move through the world and Dr C does this so well about how we connect and have relationships with others.
Sarah Kelly:Without further ado, we enter this conversation with laughter. Well, we are beyond excited and grateful to have Dr C with us and as a leader in embodiment and self-compassion. We live in a culture that puts a lot of shame and stigma around sleep. That puts a lot of shame and stigma around sleep. What is it you've observed as you talk to people about sleep and rest and why is rest so important in your work?
Dr. Cathia Walters:There's a lot of stigma around oh, you're lazy, get up. You know you've been sleeping for 12 hours, you've been sleeping for 10 hours, you know things like that, and there needs to be an understanding that different bodies and different age range need a different level or different amount of sleep. So let's start there. The thing is that most people do not understand the importance of sleep and rest and how they actually impact our physical bodies as well as our mind. Oftentimes it takes an education you know trying to educate people about why is it so important and why does it vary at different stages. For example, teenagers need more sleep, right? Because when we sleep, there's a lot of growth, there's a lot of things that are happening.
Dr. Cathia Walters:Why is rest so important? The first thing to keep in mind is sleep and rest are similar in a lot of ways but very different, and I think a lot of times when we tell people to rest, they equate that with sleep, but it doesn't mean sleep. Sleep is a more structured time that we put aside, and it could be during the day, it could be at night. We often think of it as night, but when we think about rest, I look at rest as it's a time that you can just chill out, right? So while both sleep and rest relaxes the body, sleep is more of a physical and mental thing, rest I think of rest as more of a almost like a spiritual and psychological rejuvenation that happens. We chill, so I can in the middle of the day, you know, I'm like you know what I'm exhausted or I'm bored. I just need to disconnect, right. So that's how I think of rest. It's a period of time where I can just disconnect from everything that's happening around me. It's very conscious, unlike sleep, which is more of an altered state, right? So with rest it's more conscious. I'm still aware of what's happening around me, but when I'm done with whatever I'm doing, I feel energized. Rest looks different for different people, so for some people it's taking a nap. I take naps, I love naps as my rest period and I've trained myself to take a two-minute nap and I feel invigorated.
Dr. Cathia Walters:And I actually learned about it on accident. I was in undergrad. I was in a biologist seminar and I was so tired and I remember Professor Levine was teaching and I'm sitting there like I can't do this and I literally closed my eyes and I remember jumping up. I'm like, oh my God, it has not even been two minutes. But guess what? I was able to finish that class. And that's when I learned I'm like oh, I don't have to sleep for five hours, I can rest In terms of my work.
Dr. Cathia Walters:It's really about helping people understand that, throughout the day, when you're feeling exhausted, when you're feeling depleted, when you're feeling irritated any of those things it's okay to just break for five minutes and do something Listen to music, go for you know, read a book, call your friend, journal, meditate. Keep it short because you don't want to interrupt the rest of your day. From a psychological perspective, it's a nice way to just quickly disconnect and ground yourself so that you can continue. Whatever it is that you're doing, whether it's at work, whether it's at home, whether it's with your family. Think of it as rest, as a grounding practice, so that you feel energized, you feel re-motivated to do, to continue your day.
Sarah Anne:Dr C, I love that and one of the reasons why we love all of our conversations with you is that focus that you put on community. So even in that answer you know you're talking about the self, but it was threaded through like how it helps those community ties. And we're reading your blog posts and just loving them and you said in one of them that the creation of healthy communities and all relationships begins with self and healing. And what role do you see sleep and rest, that moment of disconnection, as actually helping to aid that?
Dr. Cathia Walters:A lot of times people think of healing. They think of I need to eat, right, I need to drink water, I need to exercise, I need to breathe. Here's the thing Sleep is just as essential as the air we breathe, as the food and as the water. And why is that important? Because when we sleep, there's a lot of metabolic changes that are happening. It's extremely restorative. Our body literally shuts down, basically, it's purifying itself. But there's also the psychological piece. There's a reset, there's an actual reset that is happening mentally and physically when we sleep, and so what happens is psychologically.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I don't know about you, but I know if I don't get enough sleep, I'm not in the best of moods the next day. Right, I'm just going to speak for myself. I'm not in the best of mood when I don't feel rested right, because there's an element of rest that's associated with sleep, right? So, even though earlier I said you know they're similar in a lot of ways because they're both involved the body getting rest and relaxation. When you go to the doctor and you're sick, what's the first thing they tell you? Rest, exactly, right, rest. And there's a reason behind that. As kids, we don't know, understand what that means, because as kids, we're like, whatever, I'm gonna go outside, I'm gonna play, right. And then we learn that, with adequate sleep and rest, what's happening is bones are rejuvenating, the memory, the serotonin level, all or hormonal levels or neurotransmitters are doing something, because it's outside of our consciousness, so we're not aware of that. But when we wake up, when we get enough rest speaking for me, when I get enough rest, I wake up, I feel refreshed, I feel rejuvenated, and that could be after five hours. And that's how I know. When I have my core sleep, I feel good, I'm ready to go, I can take on the world. That means that my cortisol was low enough, so healing was happening.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I may not be aware of it because I'm in an altered state, but there's a lot that's happening right and so, yes, it begins with self. It begins with really understanding how important sleep is, not only to my mental state but to my physical state. So, physiologically, psychologically, I need to do that because that's how I'm going to be able to show up for others. I can't if I'm crotchety, right, or I can, but it's not going to be pretty right, because we can show up. But how do I show up in a healthy way and for me to be in communities that are healthy.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I have to be healthy, meaning I need to take care of this physical and the psychological body, and one way is via sleep and rest. So let's not forget rest right. We all know our bodies and we all know what number or hours of sleep we need to wake up feeling refreshed, right. I think we're all under this misconception that we all need eight or nine hours of sleep or else we're not going to be able to function, but that's not true. There's quality sleep and that's the core sleep. So the core sleep is basically when I go to sleep, I'm able to fall asleep, I'm able to stay asleep and after X number of hours, when I wake up, I feel refreshed, I feel energized, I feel like I've been sleeping for 20 hours.
Sarah Kelly:A lot of us share homes with others, so we may be in situations where the people in our house don't need the same kind of sleep or rejuvenation that we need, and one of the other things that you really always articulate so well is communication, and we're going to quote another blog post, because we're apparently like blog post super fans, because we're apparently like blog post super fans.
Sarah Kelly:Effective communication requires healthy boundaries, compassion for oneself, a sense of self-worth and the courage required to actually share your needs. Okay, my mic drop on that automatically. It's such a beautiful line. How do you start to have effective communication around sleep in the house if there are such different needs?
Dr. Cathia Walters:Mm-hmm. We're all communicators, sometimes just not as well. And so I always start off by reminding people that when we're effective in our communication, everybody wins. Everyone wins when we're effective. When we're aggressive, nobody wins. We think we win if we're the aggressor, but really and truly, what did we win by bullying someone? And then if we're passive, nobody wins either, because after a while the person who's passive becomes resentful and it's going to blow up.
Dr. Cathia Walters:So what if we are able to find a way to state to the other person this is where I'm at, these are my needs, and help the person understand how helping me meet my needs benefits them. First, I have to understand what it means for me. So, going back to some of the previous questions, I have to know, you know, what does my sleep look like? How much sleep do I need? How does it benefit me? How does it not benefit me, right? So it has to start there, right, because I cannot change something or articulate something that I'm not aware of. Once there's an understanding on my part, then I'm able to articulate that to you. I'm able to say to people in my household whether it's the kids and I'm including the kids because they need to understand too right. Whether it's the kids, whether it's my partner, extended family members, here are my boundaries around sleep. I need to be in bed at a certain time for me to be effective the next day, certain time for me to be effective the next day. So what that means is I'm at your disposal until this time. After that, I'm done. But the idea is to help them see that, understand that and then to be able to say now what happens when I don't get enough sleep. As you can witness, yesterday, when I did not have enough sleep, I was not the easiest to talk to, right, I did not have much patience, I could not hear you and when I did try to respond, your feelings was hurt because I was snappy. So this is what I need to do. True story, and I love it. She's going to hear this until she's 100, if I'm still around my grandbaby, my granddaughter.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I've since then shifted my bedtime. My bedtime years ago was 10 pm, when all the kids were home and there was homework and all these things. And I remember I was in the kitchen one evening and I think I was prepping dinner. I was in the kitchen, you know, one evening and I think I was prepping dinner and she came around the corner and she said grandma, are you off the clock? And I looked at her and I laughed and I said no, baby, I still have another two hours to go.
Dr. Cathia Walters:Where that comes from is the way I set my boundaries and I communicated with those in my household and I use that language. I said I'm off the clock at 10 pm, meaning anything you want up until 9.50, I'm here. And I kid you not, she was at that time, I think she was four or five, which is what made it so cute, right? And that's why I said you can teach the kids, because it's also helping them learn how to have better self-care, right? Because, as I said earlier, sleep is a form of self-care and we need to also start teaching those around us how to practice self-care by modeling self-care for them.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I thought that was the cutest little thing. When she came around, I actually laughed. I thought it was so her voice, because it was like you know, she wanted something clearly, but she didn't want to. You know, push my boundaries. So she's like Grandma, are you off the clock? Are you still on the clock? You know the funny thing about it as cute as she was. Maybe in that moment, if I was off as cute as she was, I probably would have given in to what she wanted. When we effectively communicate those things, that's the end results, right Is people are able to hear it, they're able to see it, they're able to respect it, and that ties into our self-worth, because if I know my self-worth, I teach you how to respect that.
Sarah Anne:How can sleep, and especially rest, be a part of a practice of radical self-compassion and self-worth?
Dr. Cathia Walters:Question for you both. How much do you love yourself? And for anyone that's listening, how much do you love yourself? Do I love myself enough and do I love myself enough to be kind to myself? Do I love myself enough to be kind to myself and to share that kindness with myself? Meaning, can I say positive self-statements to myself even when I have poor sleep?
Dr. Cathia Walters:Because the thing about self-compassion and sleep and self-worth is, it's very quick for our minds to go into this cycle of negative self-talk, including around sleep. There must be something wrong with me. While I'm not sleeping, I'm never going to be able to sleep again. Oh my God, I'm going to have such a horrible day tomorrow. I'm such a horrible sleeper. And the moment I start doing those things and saying those statements, I start this whole negative cycle. And if I'm doing that while I'm laying down, guess what's not going to happen? Sleep, it's not going to happen. I actually did create what I predicted I am going to have a horrible day because my cortisol is going to be up. I'm not going to be rested. So I'm going to be grumpy all day. My concentration is going to have a horrible day because my cortisol is going to be up. I'm not going to be rested, so I'm going to be grumpy all day. My concentration is going to be gone. All of these things are going to happen if I don't have a way to kind of catch myself and check myself and then compassionately change those statements.
Dr. Cathia Walters:The thing to understand is that with this sleep cycle we can change that Again. Adequate sleep is needed. Our bodies rejuvenate, healing happens, but not just healing. There's the connections that happens if we're able to sleep well. So when our mind goes remember during sleep, that's when we organize, stuff, consolidates, we lock in new memories, we work through old memories, right. So there's all the stuff that's happening. But there's also a piece that has to do with intimacy. If we're in relationships and we don't get enough sleep or we're tired, intimacy suffers. If intimacy suffers, relationship issues happen because there's not that connection.
Dr. Cathia Walters:If I have a poor sense of self, so if my self-esteem is low, guess what's going to happen? I'm going to again create now a new cycle of stories Started off with poor sleep, but now I'm not having sex with my partner. I'm going to start thinking I'm not good enough. They're going to be. Things are going to happen, and now I have another cycle going over here.
Dr. Cathia Walters:If I don't have a sense of self-worth, if I'm not solid in who I know I am and I'm able to change those statements, if I am contingent on other people's beliefs and things, then my self-esteem is going to do this. Self-worth is solid, because there's a difference between self-esteem and self-worth. So if my self-worth is there, if I know who I am, even when my sleep is erratic, even if my sleep is affecting my relationship, my intimacy, my communication, relationship, my intimacy, my communication, if my self-worth is still intact, I can still teach people how to treat me, and that's self-respect. I will have self-respect for myself. But it all comes back to.
Dr. Cathia Walters:I have to start here. I have to be kind to myself. I have to be able to say you know what, kathya, it's okay. You probably got a lot more sleep than you realize and you've functioned before on four hours of sleep. You've got this. It's not the end of the world. Yes, it's true that you did not get enough sleep last night and you've done this before where you were still able to. And these are the things that you can do to get through the day. We can schedule a couple of rests. Look at your schedule. Oh, look at that. There's a whole block of time here that we can use that to rejuvenate. We can eat, we can nap, we can go for a walk, you can finish your journaling.
Dr. Cathia Walters:It comes back to how kind am I to myself? What am I saying to myself? So do I love me enough to say you know what? It's okay, I know? I'm afraid because I think, because that's what everybody says oh my God, you don't get enough sleep, you're going to fall apart. Well, it can happen. Or I can look at it and reframe it and put things in place, because I know I love me enough to make these changes. That's up to me to make those changes, not anyone else. And I know what my worth is, I know what I'm capable of, and so that's what I'm going to do and this is how I'm going to do it.
Sarah Kelly:Thank you, dr C, and for our listeners, who enjoyed this conversation as much as we did. We have all of Dr C's contact info below in the description, so make sure to go to her website, follow her socials and join the number one blog post club that Sarah and I will be starting. She comes out with great posts that are so informative and helpful, and we will have that all below for you, dr C. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Dr. Cathia Walters:You're both so welcome. I love you guys. You know, when I first met you guys, I'm like, well, I actually like them. I love the smiles, I love the energy and I still talk about you guys and so I really happy and honored to be on your podcast. You guys are doing really great work, so I commend you on that.
