How Ross Dress for Less and Santa Impacted Our Self Worth

In this introductory episode, we explore we started the Art of Self Worth, share stories of how worthiness has impacted our own lives and talk about some of our plans for what's to come with future episodes.

Stay tuned for episode 1, releasing Wednesday, where were discuss how our work and career can impact self-worth with entrepreneur, author and one of our business mentors, Amy Porterfield.

Let us know what topics and guests you'd like to see on the podcast!

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Transcript

Sarah Reid  0:00  

Hey Sarah! We are coming on today to talk about something so important, which is why did we start the Art of Self Worth?

Sarah Wilkinson  0:13  

I love that! You know, we've been in business together for a while. And we've gone through a lot of iterations, from when we just partnered together, to when we were Love Yourself and now with the Art of Self Worth. 

And I think each of our partnerships has just been getting closer and closer to what we're really working on doing. And yeah, self love is really important. But what we realized, what I realized when I was working on it, was that I needed to do something on a deeper level. And, yes, I can love myself no matter how I feel about myself, but my self-love will be so much deeper and more reliable if I worked on my worthiness. That is why I was so happy that we've made that shift, because I noticed that in our students and clients too.

Sarah Reid  1:00  

Absolutely! I think it was always, for me, the common denominator in coaching clients is that, at the end of the day, it comes down to am I worth taking the time to myself? Am I worth these practices? Am I worth, fill in the blank? We all have this story of what we're worth and what we're not. And what I love is how self-worth and self-love really feed each other. You can't really talk about one without talking about the other. And what does that mean, right? How are they interconnected? And how are they interconnected differently for everyone, right?

Sarah Wilkinson  1:41  

Yeah, and you know, for so many people, I find that worthiness can creep into places that you would never expect. So, of course, it impacts your self-love, so it impacts your relationships with yourself and with others, but it impacts your work. It impacts your sleep. It impacts even what type of food you allow yourself to give your body. It just runs the gamut.

Sarah Reid  2:07  

It really does. And I think also, you know, particularly as women having this conversation, there is this limiting belief that starts really early of how much are you worth? How much space are you allowed to take up in the world? How loud are you allowed to be? How skinny or like anything? It's just all of these these elements of, I almost feel, like rules or like dampening that's what it feels like because like, just be a little less.

Sarah Wilkinson  2:39  

Yeah, I love that. This is fascinating because I definitely have those memories too. Do you remember? Like what's the first memory that you have when you're like when you kind of felt that like calling back into yourself or like that need to go inward? Like was there a memory that you remember from childhood?

Sarah Reid  3:03  

Well, there is, okay, there's this memory that sticks out so clearly to me of outer appearance being a source of worth. I would say this was in third or fourth grade. I know that I've got some stories definitely younger, but this was we were shopping at Ross Dress for Less. And I was having a conversation in my head (but probably out loud). If these two popular girls from my class saw me shopping at the discount store what I was gonna say to them? 

Okay, how do you even know the difference in third or fourth grade of that we were at a discount store? And that that should bring some kind of shame? I'm sure my mother never taught me there was something shameful about shopping at somewhere more discounted. I'm sure that no one along the way told me that if I wore something specific, I would be loved more. I know those weren't the messages coming from my home and from the community we were in, and yet I can remember going through that rack, looking at clothes, telling them why I was shopping. That’s crazy. What about you?

Sarah Wilkinson  4:16  

Yeah, you know, it's fascinating. The first story that came to my mind, I don't even know how old I was, but I was definitely still at my grandma's house. So I was probably like third grade or younger. And it's funny because the story also makes me seem like a bit of a brat because it was my first reaction to getting squished down. And so I'll share it because I think that that's another that's a reaction sometimes that people have.

My mom was a single mom and we were all at this wonderful Christmas party of her boss. Her boss was such an amazing guy who invited everybody and all the kids to his house. We took it over, always had such a fun time. He would dress up like Santa Claus. You always know from like the old stereotypical movies that you watched? That happened at this party. 

And he gave all the kids presents. I remember being so excited because everybody was opening up their presents and getting cool things like cameras, little kid type cameras. And I remember mine was a doll. And I looked around to everybody elses’ present, admiring and kind of being jealous and it was like, Oh, they’re all boys. 

And I was like, he gave me a dog because he thinks I'm going to like it. He was being super generous! But I remember just being like, “I don't want this,” you know, like, “this isn't who I am and like I don't want this like why did I get the doll and everybody else got really cool things?” I felt like I wasn't being seen, and as a result of not being seen, I felt like I wasn't worthy. 

When of course in reality, as an adult, I know that this guy was being beyond generous. Of course he didn't know me. I was his employee’s kid, you know, like, obviously he doesn't know I don't like dolls. But at the time I remember just being heartbroken that Santa (because he's dressed as Santa), Santa didn't know that I hated dolls. It's a ridiculous story, but it's the first thing that came to my mind.

Sarah Reid  6:16  

Like both stories. I think also, what I think is so interesting is we pinpoint worth when it comes to trauma, we can pinpoint like, “this is why I didn't feel worthy.” All stories that are accurate! And yet there's all of these nuances throughout our lives that are so small that all of us experience. Does Santa not see me? Will the popular girls not like me?  Those stories that we carry from young ages into our adult relationships. Am I seen? Am I worthy? Am I heard? Am I loved for being just exactly who I am?

Sarah Wilkinson  7:05  

Yeah, we talk about this a lot that worthiness, self-worth, is a journey. And like every journey, it's not always smooth. It's rarely smooth. But the best journeys aren't smooth. Yeah, we're all going to have days where it's better or worse.

Sarah Reid  7:32  

No matter how much work we do, sometimes I wonder if the could be work over! Like haven’t I peeled enough layers of onion? Like, I got it. I understand, I’m worthy. Yeah, got it. And then something will come out of left field where suddenly old behaviors coming out. And I'm realizing, “Wow, I'm still comparing myself. I'm still wanting the popular girls like me.” There's still something in me that's not feeling seen or heard, or not knowing that whether I'm seen or heard, I'm still lovable, that self-trust.

Sarah Wilkinson  8:12  

I love that. And I think, you know when you just said that, something about that triggered a thought in my mind, which was… Can you say what you said again? Do you. remember it?

Sarah Reid  8:25  

No, I have no idea. It was something like…

Sarah Wilkinson  8:27  

Yes, here it is. You kind of gave a little nod to it. You know, you still want the popular kids to like you, right? I still want Santa give me the perfect present! I still want that. But I think it's interesting as adults to see what happens when those needs in us are met. And then how we shift our worthiness based on that. 

You know, I've definitely given presents a little too much weight in some of my relationships. Is it because of Santa's not seeing me when I was a little kid? Ha, I don't know. Probably not! Probably me just, you know, wanting a perfect present from the person that I love and care about… 

But I've noticed that then when I get the perfect present, when I do feel seen, that sometimes I am willing to compromise my worthiness in those scenarios to because it's. There's some people that are very smart, and they're able to be like, “Oh, I know what this person's triggers are and I'm going to meet their needs in this way. And then I can still degrade their worthiness in other ways.” I don't know. Did you ever have that like the cool girls ever invite you into their circle?

Sarah Reid  9:44  

Rarely? I mean, I think my definition of cool changed over the years. So now I feel like I am in the cool circles based on it is people and community that I love. Would we appear cool to others? Yeah, very questionable. But that, you know, I hear what you're saying. And I'd love to actually do a whole episode on that of like, how in relationship you know, we can go both ways, like being seen can be beautiful and being seen can, in some cases, be destructive. If you're in a vulnerable spot, right like that's like a whole episode it's mind blowing me right now. 

And stay tuned because we're also doing an inner child episode. Freaking love inner child work. Like, little Sarah's like, “I get to be on camera.” She's jazzed.

Sarah Wilkinson  10:51  

Yeah, we're we were both… Were you a theater baby? Did you do theater and stuff?

Sarah Reid  10:56  

No, I did a lot, a lot, of shows for my parents at home. I was too shy to be on the stage. Anywhere.

Sarah Wilkinson  11:05  

Oh, girl, you're on stage. Yeah, you're on the family stage!

Sarah Reid  11:09  

I finally tried out for a play in Australia in grad school. Just for the heck of it. And in the warmup everyone thought I was faking my American accent as part of like the warm up. But that was just my accent. I did not get any parts. But I'm so proud of myself for going out for it. 

Sarah Wilkinson

I'm really proud of you! 

Sarah Reid

Okay, so, in this intro episode where people are getting to know us, this is such a great example of Sarah and I get super excited by conversation and start to go all over the place and we are hoping that you get just as excited. And what we're also hoping for is for your feedback in the comments like shout out, “Yeah, I want inner child work!” or “Oh, that makes me cringe!”

We want to hear from you and see what you would like on these episodes going forward. Because what we come to, and I'm going to hand this over to Sarah after I say it because she is so eloquent when talking about this, self-love is about community. Like self-love self-worth. Why we do this hard work is because we're actually more connected, more present, more available for community.

Sarah Wilkinson  12:33  

I love that. It's so, so, so true. So we're here inviting you to our community. We're going to be launching these podcasts every week. And we already have some really awesome conversations. 

First up is going to be an interview with Amy Porterfield all about how self-worth has impacted her business and career journey. It was so powerful I cried. Of course, you guys will notice that's a trend. And stay tuned we have we have some really, really great, great, great episodes already in the docket. But we want to do what interests you. So definitely comment, DM us, send us a note and let us know what you want to hear.

Sarah Reid  13:13  

And on that note, our reminder to you today and every day is you are worthy of this big life you want to lead. You are worthy of joy and ease and all other things.

Sarah Wilkinson  13:28  

Feel that inside you and then walk on forward into the rest of your day. Thanks for joining us and see you next week.