The Circle of Worth: What is Worthiness?

In this episode Sarah & Sarah explore the meaning of worthiness. We share what worthiness means for us and give a framework for how you can develop your personal definition of worth as well. 

We’ll take a holistic walk through the eight areas of life that worthiness pops up the most. Spoiler alert: these eight things cover our whole lives!

In the following weeks we’ll be going deep on each item, with more stories from our lives and special guests to share their experiences and lessons learned.

✨ You are meant to shine. ✨

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Transcript

Sarah Reid  0:04  

Today on our podcast, we are having a conversation about what is worthiness? We thought this would be a great time to talk about it.

Sarah Wilkinson  0:14  

Yes, agreed. We kind of touched on this on our trailer episode. So for folks that are subscribed, you can go back to that. Both Sarah and I share some stories about how worthiness really started from childhood that exploration of that. But yeah, worthiness is such a loaded word. Because we talk about worth for things, right? For physical things. We're like, “Oh, this microphone is worth $50.” Right? 

And then to talk about self-worth. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable talking about self-worth, because I feel like it's asking me to equate me my soul, everything that encompasses me, with like a microphone or with money. And of course, that's not what it is.

Sarah Reid  1:06  

It's easy to think of worth as money and relatable in that way because we're gonna capitalistic, right like that is how we are programmed to think of the word and when you even look up worthy in the dictionary, there's several definitions. And it's really about the value. So when I start thinking about word, I think, what are my values? And am I aligning in my values? Like, am I living up to the person I want to be? And that's action, thought process, you know, belief system, it's a lot of different things.

Sarah Wilkinson  1:46  

Yeah. And I do think that for many of us through society, the first step of really owning our self worth is broadening our definition of what value is right so remembering that in our society, money correlates almost directly to value but that's not what it's like in the world, like in the universe, right? 

So just like Sarah Kelly was saying, what brings value to you, and how can you start to explore it? One way to explore it is because sometimes it's hard to like look at ourselves, but to look at a person that you love so dearly. 

You know, for me, for instance, I might, I might look at my cousin, who I just love so much, and who's going through a rough time right and because we all are right now, and my value is not the value that she brings to me is not directly related to her job. She has an amazing job. She helps people she on a daily basis she saves lives. 

But that's not her value, right? Her value is the fact that she is a kind soul who is always there for others, who gives above and beyond who, just with her simple hosting of family events, helps to create divides lessen in our family, by her just steadily bringing together the community. That's the value that she brings. None of that's correlated to money. And by the way, that's just the value that she brings to me right? The value that she brings to her son is different. The value that she brings to her partner is different. And none of, none of the values that we bring that, we project onto her defines her. 

Sarah Reid  3:48  

The value that she has in herself is different, and that's where it gets so convoluted. These conversations are so interesting because there isn't just one answer for us. There are so many different levels, so many different aspects of our lives that bring in value, that bring in what are, you know, I like to think of as guideposts. 

When we started Art of Self-Worth, we had a list of questions, and one of them was, 'Who do we think has, when we look at them, they're the epitome of self-worth? Like, they just own it, they show it, you can tell.' And you know, there will always be Michelle Obama at the top of the list for me on that. And I know she probably has her own struggles with worth because even when we see the worth in others, it doesn't necessarily mean they feel it. Michelle, I hope you're feeling your worth every single day. 

But we thought of celebrities, friends, family members, so that list is like Sarah did her cousin, you can go to Michelle Obama, you can go to your friends. What characteristics do you see where they will stand taller, like they walk into a room, and you can tell that they're at ease with themselves. Who are these people? It's a really nice way to look at it.

Sarah Wilkinson  5:18  

Yeah, I really like that. And then, of course, there's the whole self-worth being right, and that is a whole other thing to evolve. This is one thing that we talk about a lot. It's, I don't want to say it's easy to see the worth of another person because, of course, that takes work, especially in relationships. But seeing the worth of ourselves, I feel like that takes even -- I mean, it's not surprising -- it takes way more work to see the worth in yourself, to break through those same barriers, to give yourself the same compassion that you give Michelle Obama, that I give my husband, right? Yeah, it's not going to be perfect. And that's one of those reasons.

Sarah Reid  6:03  

So we came up with this model, and we'll have a link to it in the description for everyone to see, of what are the elements that make up worth. And at the very middle, in the center, we put compassionate self-awareness, because it really is approaching this with the same compassion you'd have for someone else, and that love, and, you know, oh my gosh, we could go on like 10,000 tangents like this, like that. If you're wrong, you're still lovable. If you make a mistake, you're still lovable. If you're struggling in relationships, you're still lovable. If you're struggling with how you look, you're still lovable. Like all of these aspects are always going to be things we're working on, are always going to be things, and no matter what, I think that's what it comes down to, self-worth for me. No matter what is going on, you are still worthy of being in this world, being who you are, showing up, taking up space, all of that. So it's getting sometimes out of the head and into the heart. So we have that radical self-compassion. Take a step back and start looking at the different areas.

Sarah Wilkinson  7:17  

And over the coming weeks, we're really going to dive into each of these sections, and we're so excited to do it. We're going to, of course, talk about them, the two of us and these conversations. We'll also be bringing in special guests to talk about their tips around these pie slices, but also just how it's impacted their lives and how they've found worth and worthiness by navigating each of these particular topics.

Sarah Reid  7:47  

So when we think of worth, we break it up into what we see as overarching themes in everyone's lives. So when we're saying this, it can also, again, get convoluted to think about, but it's about what is your value in this? What brings you joy in this? What is your kind of guiding mark in a topic? These topics range from spirituality and ritual, relationships, sleep and rest, and food and nutrition, nourishment.

Sarah Wilkinson  8:24  

Yeah, there are a lot of different aspects here, and we will go through them all. At the end here, we can start to think about what each of these squares represents, kind of like your baseline for each one. You might even want to grab a piece of paper if you're not driving, or just think about it in your head. So if you look at embodiment and movement, how does embodiment and movement show up in your life right now? 

Compare that to how you would like embodiment and movement to show up in your life, and then see if that aligns or if there are some shifts, some actions that you want to change. And we'll just go through each of the circles this way. 

For instance, growth and purpose, this is one that I think is really fascinating because, again, in our capitalistic society, many of us think of growth and purpose through our job, but it can be in any aspect of your life. It might mean bringing in a new hobby, finally following your passion to go on that surf retreat, or getting the promotion at work. It might mean finally making partner in the firm. That can also be your purpose.

Sarah Reid  9:45  

I love how wide-ranging it is. And this is where we've talked about this before, but it can give people a thought process around what we mean by this. I like to use the analogy of a house. Everyone has a different dream house. It could be a log cabin, a cute little cottage by the ocean, or an enormous house with tennis courts and swimming pools. Dream up your ideal house and think about all the aspects that come with it. Sometimes, we have to bulldoze the house down to its bare bones and build it back up. Some people walk straight into a turnkey house, but that doesn't mean there's no maintenance. So when we're thinking about these things, you can almost think of it like today I'm going to see what curtains I like in the bedroom of my little cottage or pick out the lawn chairs by my pool. It might seem like a silly analogy, but it's tangible.

Sarah Wilkinson  11:03  

I love it, and as you've heard before, owning a house is a completely different beast. But you can also use this analogy if you rent or wherever you're living because there's always going to be something to work on. There's usually more than one thing that needs fixing. And just like our self-worth, we have to prioritize what to work on. You can't fix everything at once. You could try, but even if you had enough resources, time, money, and support, it's impossible to do everything at once. Even when creating the most beautiful mansion, there are still lags. So take a look at this and ask yourself, what do you want? Do you want those lawn chairs first, or do you want the curtains first? You get to decide what you work on.

Sarah Reid  12:06  

Are you ready to pour a really solid foundation? You know and there's and this goes into how in the world did we all end up with such low self-worth? Right? Like 85% of people worldwide have low self-esteem. We often equate self-esteem and self-worth like they're very similar words and 85% worldwide. That's a huge number. And so when you think about that, like the different aspects, cultural trauma, you know, all the things.

Sarah Wilkinson  12:42  

And again, to take that 85 number outwards just so you can see how ridiculous it is. Think about the 10 people that you're closest to and then ask yourself… do eight of them suck?

I bet they don't. I bet they're all beautiful, amazing people. Like just remember that, right? 85% of us deal with self-esteem issues. It's not even half, it's the vast majority!

Sarah Reid  13:18  

it's crazy. I love that because you always come from like such a positive like, “How much do you love them?” Do you think they suck? Again, looking at that outwards so that we can understand inward and to not feel as alone? Because we don't talk about these things, like we don't talk about we're showing up on Instagram and social media and all of these things showing like the best parts of life and then carrying these almost like secrets of the aspects we don't like or what we wish was different.

Sarah Wilkinson  14:02  

I think that's important too because again, going back to that same analogy, think of those 10 people. Do eight of them seem like they have self-esteem issues? Probably not. I mean, probably some, like especially the ones that you're closest to you might have these conversations with but most likely they're appearing like they're rocking life.

Sarah Reid  14:26  

We wear masks to get through, and that's not a bad thing. We have created coping mechanisms to survive and thrive in some areas. And find what works. But how do we stop getting the what works in our head to really feeling in our hearts and our souls. Like really feeling it, what we know or we have pushed so hard to try to feel how do we just get there?

Sarah Wilkinson  14:59  

That's the joy. And that, that is why we're so excited to dive into this. These conversations a little bit more.

Sarah Reid  15:09  

Totally. And so another fun exercise if you are like okay, you're gonna dive into this in the coming weeks but I'm like I'm trying to figure out what I think is worthy is starting to think of what actions have brought you feelings of worth. And we're talking more like I stand up a little taller, my shoulders go back I feel really good in my body. I feel like oh there I am. Like I feel comfortable. 

You know, not the actions that you like think should make you feel really good. But those ones that are so you start writing them down, like what have those looked like in the past and for some people that is going to be financial it's going to be I bought my first car on my own. For some people it's going to be I you know, faced a really hard scenario in a relationship and got through it and stay true to myself. Like they're all going to be different actions that build that self esteem that build that worth. And you've already got the foundation. I know. Like right, everyone's got a foundation in there.

Sarah Wilkinson  16:25  

Yeah, and if you're struggling, start simple think about the compliments that you get given from friends from family from people that love you. Think about the compliments you get from strangers, right like sometimes that can also lead into this. Now this is just a starting point because of course right eventually we want to be able to feel that self-worth internally, but start externally, if that helps notice the feedback that you get. And then also notice when you feel connected, right so that's another way that I can tell that I'm doing actions that do support my worth when I feel connected when I feel Sarah Kelly already said this comfortable, but that that connection is another aspect to look for.

Sarah Reid  17:10  

And love that connection aspect too. Because if we go back to relationships, which we talked about so much is who are the people that you feel like you can be yourself around? Like, is there anyone in this world who 100% knows you and you know, they love you no matter what. And think about that person and there might not be you might not have left someone in 100% and that's okay. Like that is okay. Just start to think about those people where your nervous system relaxes that you're not trying to prove anything you're like oh, I can go over there in my sweat pants and bad breath and no makeup and I feel really good. I mean, oral hygiene is a good thing but

Sarah Wilkinson  17:55  

Your worth is not diminished if you skip brushing your teeth for a day—hear it from us. It… your dentists might be sad, but doesn't impact!

Sarah Reid  18:07  

And those people that feel like home and that's a great starting place of like, Why do I feel so comfortable around them and and go in there.

Sarah Wilkinson  18:16  

So, to wrap up, we are just going to kind of go through each of the we'll name each of the different device license. And like I said, what we'll keep exploring these over the next couple of weeks. So we've already talked about the first two embodiment and movement and growth in purpose and do you have some questions earlier if you want to kind of navigate those. 

The next one, money and finance this is where a lot of us will end up doing some big work. Again, especially if, if you can't get your mind out of your worth being connected to money, you might spend a big chunk of time in that little square at first and that's really normal. Do you want to do you want to go through a couple too?

Sarah Reid  19:01  

Fun!? Okay, I'm really glad I landed on this. Because one of my beliefs is there is a lot of hard work to do in self-worth. There's stuff to look at. There's deep places to go. 

And we're doing this work to enjoy life. Life is abundant and beautiful and amazing. And I don't want to be on this planet, I don't know about you, and just do work all the time on myself. I know it's exhausting. It's like, a lot. So we look at where's your fun, what brings you joy, recreation, hobbies, like what is lighting up your soul? That you, again, feel you in, you know, like there are so many. 

And what I love about this category is you actually get to have fun with it, like explore with curiosity, like I once did a synchronized swimming class. Not my thing. Not my thing at all. But I did it and I would not become a regular and it was fun and entertaining. And so you know, like, think outside the box. See what brings that joy? 

Food and nourishment is the next one for us. And we really look at this as like, not only on food. It's what is really nourishing to you. So there's the aspect of what makes you feel best with what you're putting into your body. What you know there. Food is a complicated, complicated relationship in our culture for a lot of people and so looking at how to explore that, what feels right for you?

Sarah Wilkinson  20:41  

Sleep and rest. This is another favorite of ours. Everything's better if you get a little sleep. If you get the amount of sleep that's right for you. Something that I've loved exploring is my natural sleep pattern. It's not anything that I thought it was. I actually like waking up every morning at 3am for a couple of hours and I don't do it every night but when I do it is my favorite part of sleep. Getting up and just reading for a couple hours. 

So ask yourself you know, like, what is your sleep cycle? Are you do you want to go to bed at nine? Do you want to go to bed at 11, one in the morning? Right? When do you want to wake up? 

And allow that navigation to kind of happen because sleep and rest is really one of the foundations of self-worth. If you're well rested, it allows your nervous system that space to decompress, to release, and you're able to accomplish the rest of the squares so much more. We have compassionate self-awareness in the middle. But like I think, without sleep and rest, the rest are impossible.

Sarah Reid  21:50  

I think it's impossible for me not to like say something about sleep and rest too because it is—I  am so excited that our culture is starting to take a step back from the whole hustle culture! We've had so long of that. Like we've had this wear a badge if you don't sleep much Nenana No, none of that. None of that. 

Sleep, rest. And rest can look like meditation, rest can look like sitting quietly with a book like Sarah does in the middle the night like it doesn't. We get to define this and sleep’s my baby. I love sleep. We might have to spend like five weeks on sleep because I love it so much. but we won't do that to you… we will move on to the other categories but it will come out a lot.

Sarah Wilkinson  22:36  

It will!  We really see sleep and rest as a foundation. So we treat it that way.

Sarah Reid  22:42  

Even when you were talking about it, I closed my eyes and took like a deep breath thinking about sleep and like my whole body relaxed. Like

Sarah Wilkinson  22:52  

I love rest too. It's my favorite. Alright to others and Sarah has already talked about both of them. So we'll just mention them again. So relationships are so important. Again, right, like your relationship with yourself, but also your relationship with people. 

Sometimes we can choose who we have our relationships with, but sometimes we can't. Right like we can't always choose our coworkers. We can't always choose our boss. We can't always choose our family, right? So it's navigating the relationships that do bring us joy and prioritizing those. But then realizing that sometimes we're going to have to deal with relationships where our self-worth is not lifted up. And what do we do then?

Sarah Reid  23:38  

And it's important to note that not everyone's going to see our work. And we still have to navigate that relationship in some state. In all cases, you've got to figure out how to navigate it. And it doesn't take away from your and I think that's a really complicated one. So there's definitely going to be a whole episode on that. Like how do you differentiate what others think about you how do you look at what could be true in that and do your own work? And how do you know that it still never impacts like you in that heart hole spot? So yeah, juicy.

Sarah Wilkinson  24:13  

So juicy. Dive in.

Sarah Reid  24:20  

I will be on Zoom for the rest of the day talking about all of this. We have things to do.

Sarah Wilkinson  24:29  

Kick off, go for it.

Sarah Reid  24:31  

Okay, spirituality and ritual. I know we said we were just going to name it but  I can't just name it. Spirituality is such a huge part of our lives and connecting to what that means to you. And one thing I find fascinating is you know have I love all of my clients and there's a handful that are deeply spiritual people. All of them practice very different religions, and very different belief systems. And we have very similar conversations because it's that diff defining what does something bigger mean to you? 

And then in ritual we're taking at that could look like going to church for someone that could look like having new moon ceremonies that could look like what is your morning kind of setup begin with to start your deck. Also juicy, so many cupcakes.

Sarah Wilkinson  25:29  

We’re firm believers in the power of ritual. Just giving yourself multiple times throughout the week, ideally throughout the day, that you can connect with your spirituality that you can connect with your definition of a higher power. It's talking about spirituality is just one of my favorite things because I have found it doesn't matter what religion, what spirituality, what beliefs, and I'm including Atheism and agnosticism in this, right, like it doesn't matter. 

Anytime that you are able to connect with other people. and talk about how you see the world how you see the universe and your understanding of it. There's so much similarity even though all the religions use different two degrees, some sort of different language. 

And there's the flip side of spirituality and ritual too, right? Like a lot of organized religions do have some rules, do have some prevailing winds that challenge our work, especially for women, right, especially for people that aren't straight, especially for people that aren't basically cis men, right, like there can be a lot of degrading of self-worth in church, in spirituality. I don't want to say just church because it's a lot of religions.

Sarah Reid  26:51  

And you may have heard that I think on pretty much all of those topics. We were like, Oh, I love this topic. I can't wait to talk about it. This is my favorite. I think you are enthusiasm and our favorites will be very loud every single week. They're all our favorites. And we are so excited to dive in deeper with you on all of these. 

What we would love is to also hear from you. So comment on here or send us messages about what does worth mean to you? And what would you like to address? What are you like, “Oh, you know what, actually to me what would be really juicy is XYZ.” Because we really value that. We're building this community. We're building this process together. Because there is no one answer. There is no one teacher, there is no one healer. We're all learning together and figuring it out.

Sarah Wilkinson  27:52  

And so definitely, you know, write a note. Let us know what resonates. We are on the episode page you will find the beautiful diagram that we are talking through. So definitely take a look at that the circle. I call it a diagram, Sarah’s like there's a real word for that circle.

Sarah Reid  28:13  

Oh no, it can be a diagrams here and we're actually going to fancy it up a little bit. So there you might see two versions of the circle. They will all have the same information over getting fancy with our circle. Diagram.

Sarah Wilkinson  28:28  

We're going to make it show its full worth. Thank you all for joining. As you know this is only our third episode. So do let us know let us know what you want us to cover and we will make sure that we get that by!