The Art of Self Worth
Did you know 85% of people have low self-esteem? Join Sarah Anne and Sarah Kelly for conversations about discovering our worth. Each of us has the potential to make a positive impact on the world. However, we often forget this and become disconnected from our true worth. Finding our worth is a lifelong journey that includes play, joy, pain, fear, healing, unlearning, re-learning, and more. In this podcast we share the good, bad and in-between around self-worth. You are worthy.
The Art of Self Worth
Embracing Fear: Resilience, Self-Compassion, and True Calling with Lauree Ostrofsky
What happens when a serious health scare forces you to reassess your life choices? Lauree Ostrofsky's remarkable journey from a traditional PR career to becoming a beacon of women's empowerment offers an inspiring example. Lauree's transformative path began with a sabbatical through Europe and took a dramatic turn when she discovered she had a brain tumor. Her story underscores the power of resilience and the incredible potential that emerges when one follows their true calling.
We also dive into the empowering mantra "I'm Scared and Doing it Anyway," drawn from Lauree's personal experience. Lauree's openness about her vulnerabilities invites others to embrace their own fears. We discuss how self-kindness and understanding that fear is a natural part of life can lead to significant personal growth. Lauree highlights the power of curiosity in managing fear and the importance of nurturing oneself, just as you would a child facing their first big challenge.
Finally, we explore the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. Lauree shares invaluable insights on self-compassion, the role of "linchpins" in our personal development, and the impact of our thoughts, beliefs, and the people around us. As Lauree's story illustrates, while we can't always control our external circumstances, we have immense power over how we respond and the mindset we choose to cultivate. Join us for an enriching conversation that promises to leave you inspired and ready to harness your own resilience.
Stay in touch with Lauree on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook. You can also find out what kind of overthinker you are with this fun quiz!
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That was such a great conversation we just had with Lauree, and it's hard to say this in the way that sounds right, but when people have experienced really challenging things, there's often this beauty and this light and this awareness that just kind of exudes from existence.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, I first got to know Laur back in 2019. And I didn't know anything about her history, anything about her past. I just knew that she was this kick-ass business owner here in Datsun Valley that was organizing thousands of women, creating this online network of just women supporting women. And as I got to know her and learning her story, her strength and her presence and her just ever-present kindness made a lot of sense. So a little bit about .
Sarah Anne:She started in a very traditional career, so she lived in New York City, she lived in DC, she worked with a lot of consultant clients in PR, working with IBM, liz Claiborne, voters, travel but then she had a shift and she had a big health scare which we won't talk about now because you'll need to hear her sharing the story. But that really made her take a look at her life and make the big change that she has made for her current life and now she's, like I said, a life coach. She has two published books her memoir I'm scared and doing it anyways, and then a second book that's more focused on having a successful business, called simply leap seven lessons of facing fear and enjoying the crap out of your life. So jump on in and enjoy our conversation. It was a good one. Hey, laure, welcome to the podcast. We are so excited to have you here.
Sarah Anne:Oh, I'm thrilled to be here, too, so I actually I feel like you know we've gotten to know each other over the last couple of years. So I first got to know you when I opened up Socrates Yoga and was desperately looking for community of business owners and you, of course, are the founder of the Hudson Valley Women in Business. And then I've done a couple of retreats with you also, and it's just always been the conversations that you have prompted, the thoughts that you've inspired, and just the joy and kindness and compassion that you bring in. Your coaching has always been such a joy to experience. So thank you for being on with us today.
Lauree:Oh, that means so much, especially when you've attended my retreats, knowing that you and Sarah host them. It's such a compliment when a retreat host attends one of your retreats, so I appreciate all this. We should also say that we're both in DC at the same time and didn't know each other, and our backgrounds in public relations and communications are the same as well, so we have like history, even though we didn't know each other.
Sarah Kelly:I always forget that we are in DC at the same time. I love meeting, that Like. I feel like anywhere I go, there's that DC connection. Yeah, where I go, there's that DC connection, yeah, all right. So, talking about your DC connection, your journey has had a lot of twists and turns. So you started in that traditional corporate path and now you've left that behind and you've really focused on embracing a life of purpose. Can you share a little bit more about that pivotal moment that inspired you to take the leap and pursue a more fulfilling path.
Lauree:I didn't mean to take a path. I really was. Yeah, I tend to work with A students and I was very much an A student. And an A student in my mind is someone who is really comfortable in third grade, like all of the rules are written on the board, probably in construction paper, and it's like and I saw them and I'm like, okay, I can live up to those things, I can get the gold star, the A, what's required. And so I started my adult life after college very much the same way.
Lauree:I was working in New York city, I had a boyfriend that my mom liked, I had a 401k like a very responsible person would, and climbing the corporate ladder and getting good reviews annually, and started to feel, probably in my mid-20s, that this wasn't necessarily the work I wanted to be doing and it wasn't necessarily fulfilling. And when I saw what my boss's roles were, I wasn't. It didn't seem like the path I wanted to be on, but I didn't know what another path could be, because I'd only ever done the next thing that was required or expected of me. I basically had been kind of frustrated enough and had been working with a coach and had taken actually, I had done something really exciting this year prior this, when I had taken a sabbatical from work. No one had ever asked for one before. I worked in a business of 30 women and everyone was getting married and having babies and I wasn't doing either of those things. And I was like, but I have all these accumulated days. What if I just took them all at once and did a sabbatical? And everyone had agreed and it was my first time traveling Europe. It was incredible and I think that was what spurred me to say like, okay, if I know that I can do this thing, that that um carve this six week path of my own, what else was possible? And so, um, so a year later, I um looked, looked at my finances like a very responsible, A student and I said, ok, I have three to six months saved, I can go and figure out, I can quit my job and I can figure it out, and if I had to, I can go back and get a job. And I made an appointment with my three bosses at the time and the same day as that appointment, I had a doctor's appointment in the morning because I had an ear infection that wouldn't go away and they had done some extra tests. And it's really lucky or perfect that I had the doctor's appointment before I quit my job, because that was the moment where I found out I had a brain tumor. And it's the same day.
Lauree:It's like one of those things that it sounds, you know, it sounds like something out of a book and yet it's real life.
Lauree:And it turns out as well that the woman who was running my company at the time, her husband, had died of a brain tumor the year prior, and so she had set up our health insurance in a certain way that allowed me to pay very little I mean just unheard of, probably by today's standards.
Lauree:But so so many things kind of fell into place with this gigantic, awful thing in the middle of it, and I think that so what I'd say is that I had a sense of something and then this gigantic, um, you know, health issue and challenge and monumental event in my life happened, and then, on the other side of it, I was able to say like okay, um, I mean we're going to talk about the brain tumor, but I'll say is kind of to answer your question about like what was the impetus to keep moving is that on the other side of it, the things that I thought were scary like quitting my job, disappointing my parents or or my bosses was suddenly not as scary as this gigantic thing that I never imagined was possible. So sometimes we have the glimmer of something, something else, and sometimes we need a really big push in a way that we weren't expecting it to come.
Sarah Anne:Oh, that's so beautiful. And the synchronicities of just being taken care of in that time. It's amazing. Let's pause there for a second. Facing a brain tumor diagnosis is no small feat, right? You ended up undergoing three surgeries, the challenges that came with that. How did this experience shape your perspective of life, resilience and your self-worth?
Lauree:Well, I was. I was only 28 at the time, so, um, and so I think that I hadn't really thought I hadn't had a moment yet in my life. I think most of us, depending on your age, have at least one of these moments where we think we know the path we're on and it's suddenly diverted and we don't always have a choice of what that diversion is is. And so I think what I learned about life is how precious it is, that the things I thought I had control over because I was an, a student that planned really well and ate all her vegetables and went to her doctor's appointments and I'd never had a bad doctor's appointment before Like I was like, oh, I'm doing all the right things, everything's going to be fine, so you can do all the right things and still bad things can happen, and that was really traumatic, and that probably was the hardest thing in all of what happened and what took me the longest to make peace with, which is the things we think we have control over. We don't, but we do have control over things and they're pretty narrow, and so that's kind of what I learned about life the smallest things are really precious, because I was in the hospital for a month and I wasn't moving around a lot. The spring is my favorite time because this happened in the spring and seeing the buds, those moments when you catch the bud on a tree just before it's opened, it's like oh my gosh, this is a moment that won't come again and I've caught it just in time. So life got really small and I got really appreciative of small moments and the preciousness of life and what is really within our control. And I guess that's its own version of resilience.
Lauree:I think I've never thought of myself as resilient, but I guess I probably would be thought of it by somebody else and I would say what's interesting when you say self-worth, I don't think I got that concept because I was too busy, even in the hospital, being an A student.
Lauree:I was too busy trying to get being a patient right. I couldn't let go of control for, you know, even within a hospital bed. So I think it's over time and in retrospect and I'm sure that's true for a lot of us I think it's in retrospect that I understand more about my self-worth and my sense of how to handle situations like that, how to handle myself with people who say they know more, like a doctor, but I still know myself and I think at 28 and a student, I like I didn't know how to stafnd up for myself in that way, but because of this experience, you better believe I know how to do it now. So I think that that self-worth has kind of shifted over time and this story is one, is a benchmark that I go back to to remind myself.
Sarah Kelly:I find it hilarious that you might not think of yourself as resilient Lauree , because even just in the couple of years that I've known you, I was seeing your resilience, like even in our little group coaching. It happened right before COVID and you pivoted and, like, you've made us more resilient. It was, yes, you are resilient, thank you, yes. So let's talk a little bit about you. Have two books. You wrote your memoir I'm Scared and Doing it Anyways and that really shared a lot about your journey. What do you hope that people take from your story, especially those that might be facing their own fears or challenges?
Lauree:The words itself, the title itself I'm Scared and Doing it Anyway has come up for me in so many different ways and continues to be something of a mantra and a motto and and a point of connection for my clients. And I think that when so I should say when those words came up for me, because I really think that that's one of the things that people come away with from this book and from the story is that I'm scared and doing it anyway actually came from a speech. And the other thing about me is that I'm an introvert and I'm really shy, and so, after my brain tumor, things like getting up in front of people and talking became a little less scary. I mean still really scary, still totally intimidating sweaty palms, shaking, thinking I'm going to throw up totally still happening, but not as awful as experiencing a really awful thing. So I decided that I was going to give a speech and I was going to give a speech about how my brain tumor will change your life, like how my story will help you, and one of the moments when I got up and I didn't know that this was going to be the highlight of my speech, but there was a point in my speech where I said I'm on stage tonight because I'm scared and doing it anyway. And the audience responded back and they came up to me individually throughout the night and said I'm scared and doing it anyway too. I'm scared and doing it anyway too.
Lauree:And I wrote my book a couple of years after that, but it was that those words were how I realized that the power of sharing your story and owning something vulnerably creates space for other people to feel like they can be vulnerable too. And there's something about the I'm part, the I'm scared and doing it anyway. It's like I'm vulnerable and you can be vulnerable too. It's okay, we can do that together and you can be vulnerable too, it's okay, we can do that together.
Lauree:And so I think that that's what my book, I hope, resonates with readers that even though they hopefully don't have a brain tumor, that they have fears and challenges, and that fear is part of our lives. Discomfort is part of our lives and it doesn't go away. Our relationship with it shifts. You know, our self-worth, our knowledge of ourselves can shift, and our kindness, our self-kindness, is so important how we treat ourselves in those tough moments. If we bully ourselves through them, that's just a detriment to ourselves, and so I hope that they see in my story also my self-kindness and my shift from trying to be an A student in the hospital to realizing I have to be where I am, which is ill, and getting better, and enjoying the small things and doing what I can with where I am better and enjoying the small things and doing what I can with where I am, and I hope everyone feels that way too about their lives.
Sarah Kelly:Before we go into the next question, I just have to share I love, love, love that I'm scared, and doing it anyways, because Sarah and I talk a lot about mantras and like having them displayed where you'll see them on a regular basis. And the one that I have it's one that I made in elementary school. It was like like third grade Sarah doing calligraphy Yay. And it's like my favorite quote, like my mom just gave it to me a couple of years ago and I put it up on my mirror. So I see it every now, every day now, and it's curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will, and it's like it's such a little poetic quote by James Stevens, but I just love it because it's the same thing, right, it's like fear and like we all feel fear, but how do we move forward with it? It's like doing it anyways, but for me, like how do I do it anyways? Like I tap into that curiosity and that's like what sometimes keeps me moving forward.
Lauree:Oh, you're totally right. Third grade Sarah pretty impressive with that quote and calligraphy.
Sarah Kelly:Thanks past Sarah. We always say thanks to our past selves and I really thank her for her inspiration on that day for her inspiration on that day.
Sarah Anne:Well, and that piece of feeling fear, but doing it anyway. I think you know the concept is understandable, right, and like we're all scared. But when we look outwardly, particularly in our culture right now, where everyone looks so confident, everyone appears so like I've got it together. If you look at social media, everyone appears so like I've got it together. If you look at social media, like my life is perfect, everything's great.
Lauree:How I love. One of the things you's not something as big as a brain tumor or a life-changing event. A story that I like to think about, or a metaphor that I like to think about, is, if you were walking a child to their first day of school, you probably wouldn't stop at the edge of the school and be like good luck, buddy. And push them in. You would pack a snack that they really like and talk to them about that snack on the way there. Talk to them about, like looking for the friendly faces or how they choose their seat. You tell them you believe in them. You say I'm going to be right here when you get out of school later. Like there's all of this caretaking that we would do with a child or a pet without thinking about it, even if we weren't raised that way.
Lauree:I just want to say even if we were thrown in the deep end, we probably wouldn't do that to someone now. And I think it's that kind of caretaking that we need to acknowledge first in situations, acknowledging first this is a scary situation, this is uncomfortable, this is new. I feel nervous, I'm worried. Just acknowledging that and giving yourself just even the moment of space to say, oh, this is a real feeling, totally normal, totally natural. And then what's a kind way to walk myself into it?
Lauree:You know, so many coaches will say you know, do one step or, you know, divide something into smaller pieces. And I think, right before that is that real kindness of like, okay, we're going to do this together, it's me and me, but I can still talk to myself that way. You know, we can still talk to ourselves that way and I think that that's, to me, the doing it anyway part is how you do it anyway. And that kindness of walking someone into the classroom and getting them comfortable. That sticks with me when I think about oh, how can I treat myself in this moment in the same way I would on the first day of school for someone else?
Sarah Anne:I love that because it can be as simple as like packing yourself a snack, yes, totally Knowing that. Like, at the end of the day, like you could call someone, like. There are those, and I love thinking of it. The analogy is so beautiful.
Lauree:So I wrote a blog post years ago and I just re-shared it to my mailing list and it was about thinking of yourself in third person. Like you know this person, what are the things that they like? Which is another example of how we can treat ourselves. But it reminds me of what you just said, which is the example that I gave. There was I was going on a business trip at the time that I wrote this blog post and I really didn't want to go. I was just so bummed about having to go to this thing and I thought about okay, what is Lori, this person I love and care about, what's going to make this trip better for her? And I thought you know, the fanciest thing, the thing that I love, is when you go to the really nice restaurants or go to the really nice hotels and they put chocolate on your pillow at night during the turndown service. So I bought myself little chocolates and I put them on my bed every night of the conference. And you know I still had to go.
Sarah Kelly:It still was annoying, but that chocolate made a little bit better you know I love that story Like such a simple action, and I can imagine how happy you were every night to come home to that and just to like it wasn't home. It was a hotel, but it probably made it seem a little more homey. You have another book Simply Leap seven lessons on facing fear and enjoying the crap out of your life. Yeah, love it. Of course, this is where you share your guidance and, like, help other women in particular make that transition. What are some of the key lessons that you've learned that you think are essential for others, particularly that are looking to connect with that growth and purpose?
Lauree:I loved writing this book. This was one of those. My books are really short, but what was fun about writing this book is that it took me a month, because I knew exactly who I was speaking to. So I wrote this at the 10-year mark of my business and I went and I thought about all of my most successful clients for the years. And what was it If I imagined all of them in a room together? What do they have in common? They might not know each other, their paths might be completely different, but what do they have in common? And that's really what this book is about. It's the seven lessons that they all seem to go through in the process of making their own leaps and transitions, and so their stories are in there. So I love that. You know, to me it's written for A students or overthinkers where it's like, okay, here's your lesson, here's your homework, here's the fun story that can go along with it. So that way you can see yourself in the stories of my clients. They're the ones that are inspiring you.
Lauree:A couple of the lessons actually one that always I'd like to talk about is finding your linchpin, and a linchpin is something on a car that keeps your tire attached to your vehicle. And the linchpin I write about in the book is the person or people in your life, and it's happened already. There are people, if you go back in time in your life, there are people who have been there at the right moment, just when you needed them or just when you needed and were ready to hear what they had to say, and your life is different because of that meeting or that moment. They may not be in your life anymore, but they were there when you needed them. And so it's likely, if you're on the cusp of a leap, that there are going to be linchpins that show up as well, and we don't always know who they are again until retrospect.
Lauree:But if you look for them, if you keep yourself open, if you think about, well, okay, those other times in my life when a linchpin arrived, what was I doing when they showed up?
Lauree:So one of mine from the past was from a yoga class and shy introvert, doesn't talk to anybody in yoga classes. But I happened that day to smile at the person on the mat next to me and and we chatted and that and that relationship, she, she opened doors for me afterwards that were just really important. So I recognize okay. So if I'm on the cusp of a leap now, let me smile to more people, let me look up instead of at my phone or to see other people in a restaurant that I'm in or when I'm walking in a park or when I'm at the post office, actually engage someone and just with the openness that we don't know where our linchpins are. We're going to know it when we meet them or when other doors open because of them and because it's happened before, it's going to happen again. We already have proof from our past. So that one is one of my favorite chapters to talk about.
Sarah Anne:That's beautiful. Chapters to talk about, that's beautiful and I love, like all of your examples that show how, in everyday life, we can have these things right. Like you can make the eye contact and smile, you can put chocolates on your pillow. Like these pieces of our lives, just to make things a little bit easier, are what helps us over the hurdle. So the concept that overthinking being a superpower, when understood, can be a strength. You have a whole new quiz about this. Can you elaborate on the idea and share how others can shift those overthinking tendencies in a positive way?
Lauree:Okay. So the thing about overthinking is we wouldn't have kept overthinking if it wasn't useful. We keep things in our lives. We keep doing things in our lives because they're working for us in some way. Sometimes it's, you know, stuff that isn't that useful for us, but it has been useful enough. So we've kept doing it through the years.
Lauree:And there are so many useful things about overthinking. Like like I can research a travel, like a trip, like nobody's business, like before most people have even like, opened their computer. I have an itinerary, like and I've read all the reviews and I know the restaurants you should stop and what route you should take in that in that town, very proud of myself, very assured of myself. So there's a lot of confidence in that. But it's a lot of the overthinking-ness that allows me to research so well and it gives me the confidence because I know I'm good at it.
Lauree:So overthinking is kind of the step after that which is like, oh my God, did I get it right? Or the second guessing. But right before that there are elements of overthinking that are already working for us. So overthinking also can be socially conscious and sensitive to what's happening in the room, with people that we care about what the needs are in the room, and that allows us to be a good friend, to be a thoughtful employee, to be someone that folks can count on. It also can make you a really good salesperson, because most salespeople are too busy talking but if you listen and you listen well, that's actually. You're more likely to get great business and to sell whatever your product is, through the listening and allowing people to be themselves and express themselves.
Lauree:So that sensitivity to other people, so that sensitivity to other people, similar to research, is a real strength and a gift, probably why you're an A student or why you always go to the dentist twice a year or pay your bills on time, because you're sensitive to those things. And the sensitivity cup runneth over at some points into the second guessing and overthinking. But right before that huge strength, you use it all the time, you're valued for it, people appreciate it about you and so to me and one of the reasons why I created this quiz and the follow-up course with it, is to really tease out what's caused some of our overthinking and how to kind of back up from the second guessing a little bit and hold on to and acknowledge the strengths that we have, so we don't have to throw everything out. We have to be more sensitive about what causes the cup to runneth over and stick with the strengths that are really apparent.
Sarah Kelly:I took the quiz and I loved it Everyone. After you take it, let us know in the comments what you got. I am sassy and sparkly. You sure are All right. So everyone will take the quiz. We'll also have the link to the blog post that you mentioned in the description, but how else can people stay in touch with you?
Lauree:Oh gosh, I want, I want everyone listening to know that I believe in them and that what you want is possible that life is more amazing than we imagine it to be. There's a lot of synchronicity and serendipity in the world. This is the most important thing that I haven't said yet, which is when it feels like something is beyond your control and there's a lot in the world that feels beyond our control. You always have control over what you think about something, what you believe, how you talk about it, the words, the words you use really matters, the people you surround yourself with and, ultimately, the choices you make out of that situation. So we don't always have control over the situations that we're in, where the world is in, but we do have control over how we think and feel about it, the people we surround ourselves with, the way we talk about it and what we do about it.
Sarah Anne:Thank you so much. I mean that's the perfect ending, right? That's so beautiful Thanks.
Sarah Kelly:It's such a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much, Lori We'll.
