The Art of Self Worth
Did you know 85% of people have low self-esteem? Join Sarah Anne and Sarah Kelly for conversations about discovering our worth. Each of us has the potential to make a positive impact on the world. However, we often forget this and become disconnected from our true worth. Finding our worth is a lifelong journey that includes play, joy, pain, fear, healing, unlearning, re-learning, and more. In this podcast we share the good, bad and in-between around self-worth. You are worthy.
The Art of Self Worth
The Fear of Being Seen: Embracing Your Authentic Self in a Masked World
Today, we're taking a closer look at a fear that keeps coming up for so many of us—the fear of letting our true selves show up fully, quirks and all. Through personal stories, we explore what it means to drop the mask and find the courage to reveal who we are at our core, especially in a world that often encourages us to blend in.
Sharing our own experiences, we talk about how small, personal acts can become big steps toward self-acceptance. It can feel surprisingly scary to embrace our quirks in public, especially when they don’t align with the norm.
Here's the thing, the fear of showing up authentically is often a challenge that doesn’t ease with time—but embracing who we are is always more rewarding than hiding, regardless of the outcome.
Together, we examine the ways fear can exaggerate the impact of a situation and hold us back, while also offering us powerful opportunities for connection and growth.
Embracing who we are isn’t always comfortable, and we’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Yet, in letting ourselves be seen, we open the door to richer relationships and a deeper sense of worthiness. So, grab a cup of tea, settle in with us, and let’s explore the beauty and bravery of being seen.
✨ You are meant to shine. ✨
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In our last episode we were chatting about fear, and what is it like when you're afraid but have to do it anyway. And you and I have been talking about this ever since, because this theory of like doing it anyway or this action is actually so present in our lives actually so present in our lives.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, we were preparing for this episode and we realized we both feel fear every single day of our life, multiple times throughout the day, and we still act in spite of that fear. Now, that wouldn't really be a good conversation, because we would go all over the place, but one of the fears that came up for us again and again was the fear of being seen as our true selves. So that's really what we're going to dive into today is how do you first of all acknowledge that fear and then how do you find ways to move through it and still make action?
Sarah Kelly:Totally, and what we've noticed in working with people one-on-one or workshops or retreats is so many people have this right, this fear of like, but if you know the real me, um, or if you see me, then what? Uh, and it's completely universal and yet it's one that we don't talk about.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, and a big reason we don't talk about it is because we're scared to right. We don't want to admit that we're scared and that we're scared of being seen. Yeah.
Sarah Kelly:What does being seen mean to you?
Sarah Anne:You know, what it ultimately means for me is to just not have to wear a mask throughout the day. Right To be able to share how I'm feeling, to be able to do the things that I want to do and that seems like really all over the place, but like I want to be able to. Here's a great example Like when I worked at Omega, I realized I don't like overhead lights and I want it to be a really cozy environment, and in the past I probably would have compromised on those things, but I was able to. There I had my overhead lights off, I brought in a lamp and I also brought in my favorite teacup and teapot and I would just like, throughout the day, make myself tea.
Sarah Anne:And it was a little quirky thing that I did and it was scary to bring it up because I had to have that conversation. I never had felt comfortable enough to do it at any of my PR jobs and I was like why, why are you scared to do that? Like this will bring you so much joy to get through those hours. And then I would end up having other co-workers over for tea while we had office meetings. It's ended up being a really beautiful way to connect, but it was something I was too scared to do in earlier careers.
Sarah Kelly:Well, I think you just kind of nailed it too. Is it's quirky, right? And like, if it's not going with the norm, like is it okay? And for us who are neuro, spicy or don't always go with the norm, there's a lot of life where you are trying to go with the norm, um, to to exist, right, and so that fear comes up and things like I need to use a lamp, which may seem really simple to one person, but to another that's a big deal.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, and it was so funny because nobody used. In my little area of the office none of us use the overhead lamps, I don't know, or I don't know who made the choice first. But we all quickly were like, oh, they're not doing it, I'm not going to do it too. Oh, look, and then people from other departments would come down and be like, what is going on? Is anyone here? Be like, oh, yes, we're here, we're working, but we're doing it in a way that's like comfortable for us.
Sarah Kelly:Yeah, Okay, first of all, overhead light should not exist anywhere, particularly in office buildings. They're terrible, they're headache inducing, they're they buzz, they like, do all sorts of things. So 100% on board with this.
Sarah Anne:Why didn't I do it earlier, like, come on, how about you? What does it mean for you to be seen fully?
Sarah Kelly:I think it comes to being a hundred percent comfortable in my skin and still being loved like that. The who I am is I think I've always kind of struggled with. Sometimes how I look on the outside might not be who I am on the inside, right, I think that's probably true for a lot of people and I I think that masking, you said, is a really like, really important piece or beautiful piece to examine, because I do think there's a lot of times where, like, if you know the real me, who's a weirdo, like I am a weirdo, then maybe I'm not lovable, right, and for me it always comes down to not being lovable, is like, and I guess that ends up being alone or isolated or whatever trails off of that. But I think it's being seen for like who I am, quirks and all um and still being enough. It's the worthiness piece, right.
Sarah Anne:I, I love that both of us said that we were afraid to show our quirkiness, because I know one of the many deep reasons why I love you is because you are quirky and weird. It's like what drew me to you. It's that beautiful light that you always exude well, not always right, we all have bad days but like you're there and like I feel like it's your quirks that made us friends and that do make you so lovable.
Sarah Kelly:Thank you well, I think that goes to fitting in too right.
Sarah Kelly:Like I never felt like I was, never the person that had, like in high school, a group like I fit in with, like that. That that was who I was and I'm not sure anyone really does, right, we like again like the mask, we could examine that for hours, but there was always this piece of me that just kind of felt like going with different things, like a chameleon, like I could change into what others wanted me to be or how I thought I should be seen. But to take that off and step out and be like actually this is me and I'm still lovable is the process has been many, many years right, like many years and, as you know, as my best friend and business partner, it still comes up for me being seen. The fear of being seen comes up again and again, but it's different through the years. It's like I can take the quirk right, I'm okay with my quirk. It's like the next level of I don't know ostracization, like that's a big job. I have a little quirk, don't ostracize me.
Sarah Anne:Again. Right, we're going back to fear, like having fear, and I think sometimes our fears are overblown in our heads. That's like what we discover when we start to show those true sides of ourselves, those quirks, is that not only are we not unlovable, but we're loved even more when we're able to let them show through.
Sarah Kelly:And that's the irony we always talk about in self-love right, Self-love is done in community, and so it's the same the more we're actually seen, the more lovable we actually are for our true selves. And yet getting over that fear is a stumbling block.
Sarah Anne:How do you think it shows up for you nowadays? You know?
Sarah Kelly:I think, particularly with isolation from COVID and new motherhood, where I had finally kind of gotten myself to do networking events or like here's what I'm going like, set goals for myself and while I'm an external processor and have a lot of extrovertness in me, I also have a lot of introvertness in me and I love my cozy couch, I love my home.
Sarah Kelly:Like I love to be like just cocooned up, and to do that for essentially four years has made in present day it more challenging to be in groups of people again where it is particularly peer to peer. So, whether it's, you know, meeting my daughter's friends, parents like in trying to figure out how do you have a new friendship with this person that, like you don't know but like you're going to be friends with because your kiddos are like loving each other, or how to step out into another networking event when I haven't gone in so many years, Like those are the pieces that bring up more fear now of like, okay, today I'm comfortable in who I am, but like where do you go with letting people like just getting to know new people?
Sarah Anne:Yeah, that makes total sense. Yeah, and I know you were you were saying this before before we hit record but that you find more fear from that one on one or that personal groups, instead of like being on stage or doing a great big presentation, which I think is the opposite of a lot of people stage are doing a great big presentation, which I think is the opposite of a lot of people.
Sarah Kelly:I think it's like and maybe this goes sometimes to the neuro spicy pieces but like I don't always know how to have normal, I'm doing air quotes for listening conversations, like I'm a person that's always shared more than really necessary. I am a person that's always shared more than really necessary and one of my quirks. That's lovable. But when meeting new people, like if someone asks me a question, I answer very honestly to a point that is what I have learned not normal. Like sometimes people lie just to give an easy answer Like how are you? Oh, I'm great, how are you? I said oh well, it's been really hard lately. I'm tired, but I'm happy because I have everything I've ever wanted, and but I, you know my business. And then, like I don't know how to have normal conversation On a stage I have a topic like this is what we talk about, this is what we're doing, but you put me one-on-one and all bets are off. All bets are off.
Sarah Anne:I can like hear your fears.
Sarah Kelly:You're sharing this story through my face.
Sarah Anne:I'm like yeah, I'm sorry, I'm laughing at it. It's only because I feel you and I understand on it. It's only because I feel you and I understand they. I actually organize a networking group because it's the only way I would go is by hosting it beforehand. I'm like, oh, do I have to go and like, yes, you're hosting it?
Sarah Kelly:but right, what comes out of it is after you host it, because we meet, after you're energized, you're happy, you've made these great connections and talked, and I think that on the other side of fear is almost always okay, not always a positive experience. I want to very clearly say that no, like, a lot of things are effing scary for a reason, and they're scary and they're hard and they're painful. But when it comes to the day-to-day stuff, which I think is some of what we're talking about, is like we're no longer in the forest fighting off a bear, like to have coffee with someone. It's like not the same reaction. Yet my nervous system doesn't always know that, like I, my nervous system is like oh oh, having a conversation with another human can feel like a bear in the forest yes, yeah, agreed.
Sarah Anne:And when you're neuro spicy, it's like you don't even have the right weapons to pacify or subdue the bear. You're just like here.
Sarah Kelly:I am right, which is all about seeing that, because you're just seeing um, um and it's a take it or leave it. And the truth is is we're not everyone's cup of tea, right? Um, just like not everyone, is someone like you just don't mesh with everyone. So there is the rejection piece.
Sarah Anne:That happens in real life too, when you are seen, and I think that's important to say is that these fears are not irrational, right. It's just these fears. Also, I refuse to let them stop me from living my life right, even though they might have outcomes that aren't what I want. I always feel better. So far, I move through the fear, even when it's something like the networking.
Sarah Anne:For me that's a really easy, simple one. It's like I've done it enough times when, even if it's a I'm using air quotes a bad session, it's still enjoyable enough that, like, I get something out of it, or at the worst it's like an hour and a half of my life, you know. So I can kind of understand that. But there's other situations where they are a lot scarier for me now, and that's like most of where my work is right now. It's around expressing boundaries, and particularly expressing boundaries in the relationships with the people that are closest with me, like stating my needs and just being scared that the people that I love aren't going to um I'm going to listen to my needs or are going to decide that they don't love me anymore once I say them.
Sarah Kelly:So relatable, yeah Right. I mean, like, isn't that the reason we don't set boundaries so often? I think so.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, I know it's. It is. For me, it's the number one reason I set boundaries when I should.
Sarah Kelly:Yeah, and when you take all of the people okay, the people that are closest, that love your quirks, that think they're adorable, that love you so much, and then you have to say out loud, like something that's happening or something between us isn't working, um, we need to change that. It's like for me, it's like I don't want to push away that person that loves me so much.
Sarah Anne:It's like those relationships we've worked so hard for and like I don't want to do anything that might um, that might shake them up in a bad way. That might shake them up in a bad way.
Sarah Kelly:But I think what we've learned Because we use ourselves as examples so much Is that the boundaries within our relationship have actually made us stronger, and I think that's what we always talk about with boundaries Like they're not. What's that word? Yeah, they're not restrictive. They're not restrictive, they're expansive. And the same goes in being seen and loved and walking through the fear of boundaries.
Sarah Anne:It's so true and that's exactly what I was going to say. Like anytime, and that's why that's this is where my current work is, but I feel like I'm doing a good job with it. Like the conversations that I'm having around boundaries are still really scary to have, so scary to have, but I'm able to be more myself after I have them, I'm able to get my needs met and, more importantly, I'm reminded that the people that love me want me to be supported. Right Like they're not always easy conversations from both sides. It's navigating, it's compromising, but they still get us to a much healthier place and I think our relationship shows that first and foremost. But I see it in romantic relationships, I see it with other coworkers, with other friends. It's like when I bring up the scary things that aren't working in a relationship, that's when our relationship gets closer scary things that aren't working in a relationship.
Sarah Kelly:That's when our relationship gets closer Totally, and I think with the boundaries goes the needs right, like when I'm able to express my needs and when I'm able to do so from a standpoint that's strong within myself of like I am worthy of this, like actually I know that this is what I need and it might not make sense to anyone else, but like I'm important enough and that's taken many years, many, many years, many. Actually. I know that this is what I need and it might not make sense to anyone else, but like I'm important enough and that's taken many years, many, many years, many, many years a lifetime to like express that and I think that's so. It's the same. You know, that same piece that fear. And I recently had a conversation where, like my voice was almost shaking. I was like I don't want you to take this in a way that makes you feel bad, like this is just what I need.
Sarah Anne:Yeah, and for people listening that are scared still to have the conversation or to be seen, I'll share a story of when I stated a boundary and it wasn't well received and it actually ended up breaking the relationship. And I felt really good about that too, right, even though it was really scary to state my need and even though it caused a break in that relationship, I feel so much freer and so much lighter and I have so much more space and time for the relationships where that value is equal and where my needs are being listened to and seen and not just heard but celebrated. And you deserve celebration. Yeah, we all do. Yeah, it's still scary to have the conversations, but it's think about what's the worst that's going to happen and then do it anyways, because that's the worst that's going to happen.
Sarah Kelly:And the worst sometimes happens. The worst absolutely sometimes happens. Sometimes we're seen and it comes against us and yet what you just said is in the long run, maybe not the short run. So those in the midst of it, like the short runs, often messy. The part of healing, the part of fear, the part of the hard parts of all of this isn't really pretty and it doesn't feel real good. And it's that one step in front of the other, knowing that, no matter what, you're okay and somehow, through practice, I think that's how you're able to do more and more.
Sarah Anne:Every time that you're able to move through your fear and act anyways, you're taking a leap forward and your own personal development, no matter what the outcome is. And that's just working those muscles, getting in that practice and knowing and trusting. Working those muscles, getting in that practice and knowing and trusting it goes back to what you said early of your worth and then making your actions. No matter how scared you are to show the world that worth, you're going to start attracting the people that see the worth, celebrate that worth with you. Even if it might take a couple of months, it might take a couple of years, if you just keep making that action you're going to see the results in a really beautiful way.
Sarah Kelly:And I think super important to note here is we all have that worth within. So even if it's like a mustard seed of worth, like slightly in there, it's actually the action that grows it. So they work together. So if there's just enough to be like, okay, I'm going to do it anyway. That muscle grows, that plant grows, whatever analogy we're going to use.
Sarah Anne:And just to be clear, the worth inside of you is a gorgeous blazing sun, right? But you might only believe that you have that kernel right, and it really is through that action that allows us to start stripping away our doubts.
Sarah Kelly:I love that clarification because I was just like what does my worth inside look like? And I was like, like what have we all like made paintings of our internal worth, of what would be there whether we believe it or not?
Sarah Anne:Yes, oh, optional homework Listen, do it and then, and then send them to us or post them online and tag us. We want to see them. We should do that, that would be fun.
Sarah Kelly:Yeah, so much fun. I see like bursting flowers.
Sarah Anne:I just see a great big sun, great big shining sun hours.
Sarah Kelly:I just see a great big sun, great big, shining sun. I feel like I love that each of us had an automatic thought. So, listeners, tell us what you automatically thought worth would look like internally.
Sarah Anne:And then use that image. Use that picture to just be brave. Be brave whatever your next action might be, no matter if it's small, bringing in a teacup to your work or big, setting some boundaries with some loved ones or unloved ones. And let us know how that goes too.
